Recently I've been giving a great deal of thought to my psychological well-being. I think this is evidenced by my previous posts! But going further than that, I'm specifically interested in developing my mental and emotional resilience. I've always felt fairly strong in this area, or at least not weak, but since my accident my resilience has been tested, and I'm determined to emerge stronger and better after it's all said and done.
I have been broken a few times along the way, and I certainly find it easy to start to feel myself slipping toward hopelessness. My bite is getting worse with orthodontics, and I often get frustrated trying to eat, when I hear myself speak with a lisp or am asked to repeat myself and generally feeling deformed, even if it isn't super-obvious to look at me. I get tired easily, and I'm truly afraid of pushing myself physically. I've always enjoyed exercise, and challenging myself when I can. I'm not the best at much of anything (although I'm a pretty good rower), not the strongest in a fitness class, or the fastest runner. But I generally don't back down from trying. And I feel my best when challenging myself this way.
Well I'm now left feeling very deeply afraid of pushing myself, both out of fear of seriously injuring myself again, or just the current pain that might escalate as a result. I don't like this. I want to get out and go for a long run to relieve my stress. I want to go lift some weights, or do a hard class at the gym. But I'm afraid.
I know that this is temporary. My whole life won't be like this. I will have surgery, I will get the braces off, someday I will be a new normal person. This is what the doctors tell me. I will be able to do everything I used to do again, without pain. But getting to someday is hard. Yes, it helps to know that this will pass....but getting through it is another thing. The only easy day was yesterday. Today is a new day.
So I'm working on my mental toughness. Tackling some inner demons, taking control of my inner dialog. I've been doing some meditation, focussed breathing, yoga and learning about training your mind to overcome the obstacles it sets for itself. I'm feeling a shift start to happen. I need to turn these things into practice. Turn them into every day things, habits that feed my mind and soul.
What I'm hoping for through my journey and pursuit of mental resiliency, I will better prepare myself for what lies ahead, both the known and unknown challenges. I want this to be a life-long skill, to live a more mindful existence, gaining better control over my actions, reactions and working more toward my purpose than just living this life as a passenger. For too long I've been a product of what has happened to me, and not in control of where I was going. In truth, my ultimate goal is to seek out what truly makes me happy in this life, and have the courage and ability to continue to pursue it long after this whole journey is over.
In the meantime, becoming a stronger person will help me to steer myself through this whole experience. Forging mental toughness will allow me to handle the pain with control, and come out of the surgery stronger, and ready to recover fully. If you're interested in the same things, or any of this resonates with you, please comment and let me know!
I too struggle with mental toughness/resiliency. I find myself mentally giving up sometimes before the task has even began. It is all too easy to breakdown, or feel sorry for yourself in moments of weakness or that are out of your control. This becomes an easy and familiar habit, and pushing yourself past these moments feels uncomfortable and at times impossible to do. It's nice to know you have people in your corner, and although circumstances and exact situations are vastly different, the same methods and tools can be applied. It's okay to feel broken, but it's concerning to want to stay broken. Thanks for writing about such important information on mental health and strength!
ReplyDeleteThanks Kirstie! I think this is an important thing for everyone, no matter what your challenges are - and EVERYONE has challenges in their lives.
ReplyDeleteI recently heard something that I want to share: "The foundation to excellence has to be in mastering yourself as you can for this version of yourself, today."
I have been doing some exercises that have been very powerful, although they may sound simple to some. I will be sharing my journey through this and hopefully you can try some of them too! :)
"I am the master of my fate: I am the captain of my soul." - William Ernest Henley.
I busted my forehead open in a sporting accident which scarred my face and messed up my forehead muscles. I feel your pain. But you are lucky that the doctors think they can put you back together completely, even if it takes a long time. Unfortunately, I am screwed. You can't fix scar tissue and damaged muscles like a broken bone. My forehead will always be disfigured.
ReplyDelete