Hello Friends!
As I continue this journey I am on, I want to share some tidbits of learning with you. Today's revelation is the secrets of mental toughness and emotional resiliency.
In his book Unbeatable Mind, Mark Divine shares his top 3 secrets of mental toughness. The first is that Mental Toughness is a choice. You must first choose to control your mind, then you can turn it toward success and hone your skills. Seemingly a simple concept, it goes much deeper than that. By accepting that it is a choice, you are experiencing a paradigm shift that will change the way you view yourself, your life and the things that happen along the way. This change in mindset means that now you understand that you are not a product of what happens to you in life; you are a product of your reactions. No longer are you blown around randomly by the events in your life, seeming to be out of control of the things happening to and around you. You are choosing where to put your energy, your time and your thoughts. When you change the story you tell yourself about your life, you can change the way that stress affects you.
Second, Stress Kills Mental Toughness. This simple fact was, in a way, freeing to me. I have found that while I try to work my way through these steps on my journey to inner strength, when stress (or exhaustion) sets in, it's almost impossible to maintain the consistency of meditation, reflection and to focus on the tough things to be tackled inside. Now that I understand the effect of stress on my mind, I can stop, seek to understand what is stressing me out and why, then harness it and redirect that energy to something positive to counteract it. Giving yourself permission to feel the stress, rather than ignore it, is powerful.
The process to do this is simple, and again it involves choice. I've used this and I can tell you that it's a powerful way to control your mind and your reactions. First you must witness the stress happening and how it is affecting you in the moment. This goes as far as both your mental reactions, and your physical ones. Shortened breath, a feeling of loss of control and that panicked feeling are all very unpleasant. Allow yourself to feel them, experience the reaction. A good tool to use when trying to interdict your stress response is deep breathing. Taking just 5 deep breaths through your nose, filling your lungs and expanding your belly, then letting it all out will serve as a moment of pause while it changes your physiology. Deep breathing through your nose activates your parasympathetic nervous system, which turns off all the negative fear responses of your sympathetic nervous system. Then, interdict that experience. Choose to stop it in the moment and acknowledge that you are not going to let it continue. Then, redirect that energy to something positive.
Finally, most of what we consider Mental Toughness is actually Emotional Resilience. This means that you are able to easily and quickly bounce back from a setback. This is also a skill that can be trained, and needs to be exercised to be maintained.
The process of training emotional resiliency is much like that of reacting to stress. First, witness your negative reaction, then interdict it to stop it and observe the underlying emotion that is causing that reaction; why do I feel this way? What is making me react the way I am? Second, change your initial reaction to whatever the opposite emotion is. If it's fear, change it to courage. If it's jealousy, change it to acceptance. Then, engage this new emotion and all of the actions and feelings that go along with it and continue on with whatever you were doing.
I can tell you that I used this exact technique when I was having a negative reaction to something positive that was happening in my life. Instead of feeling joy and appreciation for what was happening, I was feeling guilt for being so fortunate. I was berating myself for making a choice that supported my own happiness and focusing on all the ways that I could have made a different choice that would have seemed less selfish. Once I recognized what I was doing, I physically took myself to a room where I could be alone and stopped myself from continuing down that rabbit hole. I looked at how I was feeling and why; then I chose to give myself permission to do this for myself. It is what I had been told several times to do. It is something that will bring me peace and joy and I deserve it. I appreciated my good fortune and felt the joy of looking forward to it. Once I had calmed my mind and stopped beating myself up, the stress went away and I was able to continue my day without those negative thoughts and self-talk in my mind.
Please try these techniques today - and remember to feed the courage wolf inside you!
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