Surgery Upate

Someone commented (OMG I love you!) and asked if I had a date for surgery yet.  Sadly, I have to say no, but I did I see my surgeon last week, which is now a 3 month standing "date".  He's so reassuring, that Dr. P!

Just to refresh anyone new, if you're having your jaws replaced with TMJ concepts implants, they must take scans of your face to create the joints.  If you have braces, after the scans are taken your orthodontist can't touch your mouth again...so the scans can't be done until your ortho has done their job.  Then it takes 3 months to make the joints, so scheduling a date for surgery isn't as simple as picking a date.

So Dr. P was very pleasantly surprised at how my teeth are coming along.  I must say, the top teeth are looking pretty darn good! The lowers are getting there....definitely in the general 'arch' position, with final touching-up needed.  It felt nice to hear him say, rather surprisedly "You look good! Really good!!"  This guy fucks with faces for a living.  Yeah!

So throughout this whole process (and LONG before) my goal was to have another baby.  Given the timeframe that was imposed on me since the accident, we accelerated our attempts (also because 3 years is a long time to try with no success) and saw a fertility clinic.  We decided to say to hell with the face surgery and just go gung-ho with IVF.   I was in the middle of stimulation hormone injections when I saw Dr. P, with the goal of freezing embryos until next cycle (or one after face surgery....ahh that old time-worn debate....). Then Dr. P said he thought we could be getting close to planning for surgery, and that the sooner we 'fix' my joints, the sooner I can get out of pain.  He talked about chronic pain theory - whereby the longer you're in pain, your nerves can permanently change and you can end up with chronic pain even after the joints are fixed. So it's better to have surgery sooner than later.   Well damn. That sure changes things.

In any case, even without all the IVF complications, I wouldn't yet have a surgery date.  What Dr P. did offer me though, was to tighten up all the timelines to get the TJR surgery completed as quickly as possible - get started on planning for the scans and even a surgery date.  That way, when it's over with I'd be able to implant one of those frozen little science experiments embryos blastocysts only about 2 months after TJR.

So there you have it... still hurry up and wait.  If I don't come out of this a more patient person, then I'm just going to give up!!

The Zone of Tolerance

Do you ever feel like some days the smallest things just set you off?  You're short-tempered, angry, just not capable of handling your life? ("Like...I just CAN'T right now!! UGH!") Or perhaps you just feel exhausted, like you don't want to leave your bed and have no energy to even listen.  You're probably outside your zone of tolerance.

Today's post is about a phenomenon that's new to me in theory and description, but I know from...well...life in general. It wasn't much of a persistent problem before my accident, but since then I've noticed big fluctuations in what I'm capable of handling at any given moment.  I described this to my therapist, and she showed me the diagram and literature that explains it.  It's called the Zone of Tolerance.  Here's the diagram:


We all have one.  The "zone"is the area within with you are operating at any given time. If your life is relatively stable (event-wise, emotionally, physically..) then your zone is probably sort of fixed in it's size.  You probably can pretty reliably predict what you're capable of handling.  If however, your world is shaken up by something (in my case, chronic pain and stress) your zone might shrink.  Some days (high pain levels, lack of sleep, emotional turmoil) your zone is so small that the smallest things can set you off.  Other days, everything is going well, you feel good - your zone is bigger and you feel like you can take on the world. These are great days!

When your zone is constantly widening and then narrowing again, it's hard to feel emotionally stable.  You can get really down on yourself for even the fluctuations - let alone the reasons why it's fluctuating.  So what's really important is this:

1. Recognize that you HAVE a zone! Understand that it's normal to feel super strong some days, and incapable of getting out of bed on other days. 
2. Scan where you are in the zone at this very moment. If you feel that you are starting to slip outside of it (however big or small it may be today), try to ground yourself.  Do some deep breathing through your nose (in for a count of 4, out for a count of 4) and touch something real in your vicinity. This will take you out of your head, and back into the present.
3. If you're nearing the upper limit of your zone, or are slipping out of it, do something CALMING.  If you're nearing or slipping below the lower limit of your zone, do something ENERGIZING.

Braces Update

Last week I had another wire change on my braces.  I went back through my appointment history to figure out how many different wires I've had on since I started.  (For someone blogging their experience, I'm not keeping very good track of what's going on!)  I figured out that I've had 8 different wires on my top teeth and 6 different ones on the bottom.  The reason for the difference is that the top braces went on at the end of December 2014, while the bottom ones only went on the first week of March 2015.  I can't believe I've had this many wire changes already...time sure flies!

It certainly explains why I am beginning to notice a pattern in my pain levels.  The wire change happened Tuesday last week (one week ago today) and the pain has migrated from my teeth, through my facial bones, and now it is at my TMJ's.  It's strange how that happens.  I don't know anything scientific about why this happens, but I imagine it to be the knock-on effect of the force on my teeth when the new wire goes on, then it starts the bone-forming part of moving them a few days later, and that affects my bite, jaw position, and my TMJ's get flared up.  It's so great!

Not.

Dr O moved me to a thicker rectangular-shaped wire on the top, and a thinner rectangular-shaped one on the bottom.  Note: the "rectangular-shape refers to the diameter of the wire, not the overall bend to it.  It's still a horse-shoe shaped wire overall.  When the bottom wire went on it actually was so much force that it popped the bracket off one of my molars. Whoops. The assistant told me that she would put it on at my next visit in October.  If she re-attached it now, if it stayed on it would cause me too much pain.  Thanks! 

As for the pain, it sucks. The TMJ pain is the worst.  It's not acute when I eat, oh no...that would make me change what I eat to avoid it.  Nope it happens afterwards, starting as a dull ache and then moving to a sharp pain just in front of my ears.  So I still eat things like pizza crust, chips, nuts (don't judge me) and pay for it later.  Clearly I'm either a slow learner or a glutton for punishment.  Hopefully it will subside sooner than later. 

My top front teeth hurt so badly for so long (long after the rest of my teeth have stopped aching) and since they were moved ("subluxated") during the accident, one has turned grey underneath the crown, that I get so anxious that I'm going to lose them.  The anxiety hangs on for as long as the pain does. Thankfully it's gone now, but it is a lot to deal with.  On a side note, I've learned so much about how chronic and acute pain affect a person's mental health.  They are so related.

My teeth are moving well, the top ones look so straight that it's hard to imagine needing to move them more, but we're going for perfection here.  I've decided that when I get the braces off and permanent crowns put on, I'm not going to go for the "perfectly imperfect" smile that I went for when I first had my front 6 crowns put on 5 years ago (for vanity...of course).  This time, give 'em to me as white as is realistic and as straight as possible!  After everything I've gone through, I want a perfect smile!