One thing I certainly didn't expect from this injury is the limitations that have been placed on me physically. It makes me uncomfortable to say it, but I don't feel like I'm one to accept limitations without pushing them a little bit first. I wouldn't say that I'm someone who pushes through anything super human to achieve a goal, but I'm not one to say "I can't do that" without trying it first. Maybe I'll try it secretly...without announcing the results...but I'll give it a go.
This injury has been a source of almost constant discomfort. I say almost because there are good drugs and bottles of wine (not to be combined!) that can take it away but neither of these are perfect. Hangovers and side effects need to be managed! Whether it's neck, shoulder, head, jaw or tooth pain, it always seems to be something. I find that often times I'm taken aback by how unrelenting it is, and how places that I thought could never hurt, do. Like your head muscles. How many of you have asked to have your head muscles massaged? Did you even know you HAD head muscles? The ones that cover your skull and barely move? I get them massaged every other week....and it never makes the pain go away completely. (Actually, if you're reading this you probably have TMJ and totally get it. Sorry.)
Anyways, I'm not writing this to whine about my aches (ok, maybe a little bit), but to talk about accepting, and sometimes pushing, your limitations.
There are a lot of things that I want to be able to do without ending up in a pain crisis, or fully exhausted for a week, or without crying because I've over done it. Like go out for a night on the town. Or train for a competition. Or stay up past 10 pm on a weeknight. Or deal with a cold. Or go out in the cold for a day. Or make multiple plans on a weekend (with associated eating/drinking) and function like normal the following week.
You get it.
I'm whiny.
But really, all of these things end up sort of crushing me at some point. And I don't mean like "oh boy, I'm extra tired on Monday." This past weekend I went out to a late dinner Friday night, cleaned my house on Saturday, went to a friends house in the afternoon and then walked around Toronto watching my sister run a marathon on Sunday. By Monday I was exhausted, had a splitting headache and a nasty sore throat, which I really felt was set off by my lack of energy and ability to bounce back after some busy times. My jaw muscles were aching and I felt the vice-like grip around my temples that comes after a lot of talking, eating socially and maneuvering my jaw around trying to make my braces presentable after just taking a bite. Maybe it's just cold/flu season, but I'm really tired of this!
I used to just push through busy things, over-schedule myself and rebound alright....now I'm like a ticking time bomb. I have another late night, busy weekend coming up and I'm already dreading the "recovery time" from that. My sister went to work the day after the marathon, damn it!! Why can't I??
If this whole situation has taught me anything, it's got to be patience. The funny thing is, there's patience with life and then patience with yourself. Having patience with yourself (and self-care) is the hardest thing to practice. I would rather just push through my plans and obligations and deal with the tiredness later. It's just that now, it's not just being tired. It's pain, it's exhaustion, and it's the "me" that I put forth and give to my family that I have to be concerned with. Sigh.
Or here is this question to ponder....
How bad is this situation? You know when you hear about people doing incredible things, like, oh...say EVERY paralympian, EVER? Who am I to whine?
Time to feed that courage wolf...
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