Ramblings

Hi Friends, I'm sitting down to write a post, and I feel like I've got so much to say but no idea what that is. So I guess you're just going to have to go on this journey with me.

I'm feeling pretty anxious this week, and maybe it's because we're 1 week out from Christmas, and who doesn't feel anxious when it's that close?? I suppose it probably also has to do with the fact that I'm getting the first half of my braces on in 2 days and I'm starting to freak out. 

I've been starting to feel pretty overwhelmed by what's going on, and maybe a bit less resilient than I have been up until now. I think that's evident from my previous posts, but maybe not. Maybe because it's so pervasive in my life.  I mean, I only think about it when I speak, eat or move my mouth, so it's pretty much all the time. 

And while I thought that I'd be fine getting braces, I was even excited to be perfecting the alignment of my teeth before finishing all the dental work, I am not looking forward to them as much as I once was. I can see why it might seem like braces are no big deal, but it's not like I'm starting from nothing with these things. And it's also not like when they're off it will be fine either - I will have to get my teeth re-capped, or crowned, or what have you. Not to mention a pretty big jaw surgery in the middle of having them too. I have been watching vlogs online of people getting their braces, and I can see how tired of them they become, what a bummer they can be and then they get them off and have perfectly straight teeth, done deal. It won't be like that for me. And I'm wallowing in it. 

Another thing that happened this week is that I got a call from the nurse at work to discuss my short term disability leave. I'm still on leave, and this is because I'm still going through a lot of procedures. It seems that my work doesn't want me to return until I'm feeling well enough, but I'm starting to get a bit down about being away from regular life for so long. I explained that I'd be having the surgery to remove my 33 tooth and do a bone graft on December 30, and she didn't even want to talk about my returning to work (even modified duties) until after that was over.  I was hoping that we'd be talking about a target date by now, but I guess not. I didn't push it because I really don't know what I'm going to feel like after that, but I'm hoping that shortly after I'll be able to reach out and set a date to go back part time. I feel like at this point I need some things to look forward to, and it seems strange to look forward to going back to work, but I think I am. Being home alone, especially in the winter, isn't awesome after 4 months of it.