I'm finally rounding the corner on the worst sinus cold of my life! This thing has taken a beating on me and turned into a sinus infection. So much that my hubs had to cancel a trip to NYC with his friends to stay home and (once again) take care of me. As if I needed one more assault on my face this year. It felt like my head was going to explode, and my sinuses were so packed I had a toothache in every tooth on the top, and couldn't even get my Neti-pot to work! It would NOT flow! Ugh.
I made the hubs go out and buy the "softest Kleenex that money can buy" (his words) and my nose barely survived. But of course, the worst part of it all is that I've passed it on to my son. He told me the other day that his "two holes weren't working" (his nose holes, lol) and then last night he sniffed and told me his cheeks hurt. I said "I know honey, your sinuses hurt", to which he replied "Yeah....my Simon Says hurts..." Sad face. :(
BUT in true kid fashion, we had a little neighbourly gathering at our house yesterday and he showed no signs of illness at all...running around, playing, misbehaving (sigh), so this morning I kept him home later and took him to daycare at around 9:30 to give him a little extra rest. Well, on the way there he started telling me he wanted to go rest at home. Ah! My heart brakes!
See...I would have turned around and just taken him straight back home, but I have an appointment with our work counsellor at 1pm today. It's taken me so long to get around to doing this, and she travels from far away to meet people at our local office, so I am very hesitant to cancel and bring him back home.
I think this is one of those moments as a parent where you're struggling to help yourself first, so that you can be better for your kids. To put on your oxygen mask before helping others, if you will. Is he going to be ok at daycare for a few hours? Yes. Is it important for me to keep this appointment and take care of myself? I'm pretty sure it is. But why do they have to conflict like this? Sigh. I'm doing a lot of sighing this morning.
See, it might have been the sinus infection...those things will knock you on your ass by themselves...but last week I'd started to feel very depressed about my whole situation. I'm tired. Tired of the grind of worrying about what teeth I'm going to keep, how much pain are these next root canals going to be, how are the braces going to look/feel/affect my smile, how is it going to be when I go back to work, will people understand me with this lisp that I already have, and then add the braces...it just goes on and on. Plus, after I'd eat dinner, the pain in my teeth and jaw would flare up and I'd just barely make it to the couch and do everything I could not to pass out.
It started to feel like I just couldn't find the same happiness that I could in most things. I went to my work Christmas party (in the middle of the sinus infection...not my best moment) and tried to keep my chin up. It was so nice to see everyone, and a lot of people told me how I didn't look any different (just skinny..well, it hurts to eat, what can I do?) and that it was so nice that I had a sense of humour about it all. And I'd say I haven't lost my sense of humour....I'll never lose that....but it just hasn't been as funny to me as maybe it could be. Laughter is the best medicine, and humility has always been my favourite virtue, although I don't always have as much of it as I would like.
So I think it's important that I keep this appointment. Important to me and my health, but also important to my family. My mood, attitude and how I interact with them has an important bearing on all of our well-beings, so I am going to just hope and pray that the wee man makes it through until 3pm today when I can pick him back up again. And maybe he can stay home to rest all day tomorrow...
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