Sharing your real feelings can have that effect, but it can also open you up to a few negative reactions. It's possible that your feelings won't be validated, or you'll be seen as whining, complaining or just plain annoying. And maybe people will do what they think is helpful: feel sorry for you. Get stressed out for you. But this only adds to the issue.
In sharing, I think we all just want to be heard, and hopefully understood. Just getting it out is half of the point!
So having said all that, I'm into my third week back at work, this week I'm adding an hour to my day, so a total of 5 hours a day every day of the week. And I'm tired. Truthfully, I had no idea that it would be this hard. If this had never happened to me, I'd probably think that I had it good. Working in the morning, afternoon off, man...she must have time to do everything! Well, I might have the time, but certainly not the energy.
My jaw is re-adjusting to my new bite almost constantly it seems. Since having the braces put on my top teeth, the gap between my front teeth has gotten much bigger. I was warned that this would happen by my doctors, since the braces aren't in there to make things fit together, just to straighten the bone. This makes talking and eating difficult, and this movement has translated to jaw movement. Any time that happens, the muscles all seem to seize up and the effects go all around my head. There is significant muscle pain up to my temples and around behind my ears. Touching any of the muscles in my head is incredibly painful, and just sitting doing nothing my temples feel as though they are in a vice. Unfortunately, muscle relaxants are all that seem to help this, and I certainly can't take them at work or if I have to drive so I don't get any relief during the day.
Here's a photo of my "bite". (Apologies for the quality, it's a cropped cellphone pic):
My bite also has no "home", so my jaw is constantly moving around. It seems to recess backward during the night, so that during the day it's sore from having been in the wrong spot for so long. I actively move it forward during the day. I used to wear my bite splint to keep things where they should be, but I can't seem to use it anymore. My front lower teeth now have a lot more room than they used to with the canine being gone, so they move. When I put the splint back in, it forces them where they used to be, and it hurts. Not to mention, I don't really want to be moving my teeth around down there constantly. The fracture site is still in rough shape, the bone graft is healing and my doctors are worried that the fracture site may not be able to hold the teeth in place. So that's scary. I am now at risk of losing a tooth that was never in jeopardy before, and am still at risk of losing any of the others that were damaged. I'm surprisingly fine with missing my canine, but any more and I think it will really start to affect my coping. This might sound dramatic to you, but imagine losing some teeth.
I've made an appointment (a "Doptor's Appoint", as my 3 year old calls them) to see an acupuncturist in two days for the pain in my TMJ region. I have had acupuncture before and found it tremendously helpful, although it was for a totally unrelated issue. I can't wait to go...I am sure it's going to feel wonderful(ly awful), just like a good massage. I'll certainly share my experience and any benefits that I experience from it.
Beyond the physical pain, we've received some feedback on the insurance claims that is causing a lot of stress. It seems that even though we called and spoke with the company twice while going through all the medical procedures, they failed to share that I have a 90-day window to submit claims after treatment as well as a 12-month time frame to complete my treatment. Perfect, since a lot of procedures were done before then and my treatment will certainly not be completed within a year. I just can't wait to try and fight them on this. Thankfully my doctors seem willing to help, which I suppose is in their best interests!
I said to my hubs last night that.....I really wish that I could just take a break from my life. It seems like this constant emotional roller-coaster where I think everything is fine, pretend that it is and forget about the seriousness of the situation. Daily pain is what it is, I'm kinder to myself, more gentle and understanding. Then I get tired, not so resilient and I remember all that I am still going through and what the worst case scenarios might be. How misunderstood I feel sometimes. How I just want to be normal again. It all comes crashing in...and I mean everything. I feel useless, both at work and at home. I am too tired to go to the gym, so I feel guilty when I skip it. I make poor food choices so I beat myself up about it. Is this how it is? Or is it possible to live with a more balanced perspective?
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